The Most Romantic Gift of All Time

The Most Romantic Gift of All Time

My wife Blythe has her birthday in the middle of summer, and that means one thing – it always shows up way faster than I think it should. 

Now I know you’re all saying, “Jeez Dave, that sounds like someone who’s making an excuse for buying his wife the lamest birthday present of all time last year.”

And I say to you, “Back off.”

And before you all jump down my throat for thinking that buying your spouse a carpet cleaner is foolish, sexist, ridiculous and lame – can I just say that it was an EXPENSIVE carpet cleaner, a Bissell ProHeat 2X Revolution. That’s right – 2X!!!

Look at how happy she was to get it:

And I can tell you this: she LOVED it. The reason I know she loved it is because she treated it just like a Spiderman #1 Comic (pristine copy valued north of $750,000).

What did Blythe do with something so valuable, something so precious as the Bissell Proheat? The same thing she would do with a collectable Spiderman comic.

She never took it out of the box.

I rest my case.

Fast forward to this summer. Blythe and the kids have been out at the lake and I’ve been in Calgary working for big chunks of July, and one of the days I was at home in the laundry room and I saw the carpet cleaner box sitting there… a big square reminder of how much of a big square I am.

So I decided I’d do something about it.

I decided I was going to take an afternoon to clean all the carpets in the basement and clean the stairs. She’d come home, see the immaculate carpets, and be blown away at my skills. Not only do I buy tremendous gifts, I do the work too.

And it would only take an afternoon.

Or in my case, about a week straight.

I moved the furniture and discovered everything we’ve ever owned. And the dead insects that tried to eat them.

What you could find behind your couch…

And I steam cleaned the filth out of the carpet.

It was disgusting.

For carpet that was supposed to be white, or off white or eggshell or something – this carpet was kinda dark beige. And the water that came out of the tank was black. I’m surprised I didn’t get black lung from the work.

It took about a week to finish, working before work, after work and on weekends.  Then another 3 days to dry – moving fans around, opening windows, …

I say all this with great pride because I turned what was a lame gift from last year into lemonade.

Or something like that.

And this morning I wandered around the house proud of my work, proud of my dedication and willingness to spend very focused days and weeks on this.

So focused, I forgot one thing.

Her birthday is tomorrow.

If I get her an ironing board – it’s going to be an EXPENSIVE one.


Drying the pillows outside.
“Hey Dave – did you bungee the Bissell Proheat to the gate so the hose reaches all the stairs?” Yes. Yes I did.
  Did I use the spot cleaner too? Of course I did. It’s the Bissell Proheat 2X Revolution.